Monkey and Stock market

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each."

The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man or his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.

Management Speak

Management Speak: That's a good question.

Meaning: I don't have a good answer.

Management Speak: You have to show your flexibility.

Meaning: You have to do it whether you want to or not.

Management Speak: I don't totally disagree with you.

Meaning: You may be right, but I don't care.

Management Speak: We're going to follow a strict methodology here.

Meaning: We're going to do it my way.

Management Speak: Empower.

Meaning: Freely blame your subordinates for your problems.

Management Speak: I'd like your buy in on this.

Meaning: I want someone else to blame when this thing bombs.

Management Speak: I'm not saying no, but I'm certainly not saying yes.

Meaning: No.

Management Speak: The system has to be flexible.

Meaning: We don't know what the hell we want.

Marketing Lesson

LESSONS IN MARKETING

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You went up to her and say "I am very rich. Marry me".
That's DIRECT MARKETING

You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He is very rich. Marry him".
That's ADVERTISING

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you called her and say, "Hi, I am very rich. Marry me".
That's TELEMARKETING.

You are at a party and see a beautiful girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, 'By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?'.
That's PUBLIC RELATIONS

You are at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich".
That's BRAND RECOGNITION

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me".
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's CUSTOMER FEEDBACK